Apr 10, 2022
I have seen eagles in a "Death Spiral." I've seen it 3 times now, once last spring, but twice in the last week or so. Seeing something so dynamic takes my breath away! Any normal human would be moved by such a sight.
I was sitting in my studio writing in my journal and planning my day, which I do almost every morning, when I saw them. It was as if the universe decided that my window was a movie screen and played the scene out for me...only for me.
The giant birds circled each other getting closer together, then suddenly! they grabbed each other's foot with their own and thus attached, they spun with the force of the impact and free fell, spinning the entire time. One of them landed in the bay. The other pulled out before he (she?) got wet. This scene took place no further than 50 yards or so from where I was sitting in the studio. Then they flew side by side, closer and closer to my house, eventually flying together over Deer Island, Canada until they were so small that I couldn’t see them.
Are these birds in strife? Are they playing? There's so much energy there! I can't tell. Maybe neither...maybe both. I looked up the meaning of such a display. It's a mating ritual. Of COURSE it is! Scientists think that possibly they are seeing if their chosen partner would be trustworthy. I wonder if the eagle I observed, that wound up in the bay completely covered in frigid water, thought that the other bird was trustworthy. My god, So much force. So much passion! So much declaring that we are ALIVE…
unless we die.
And a number of eagles do die each year performing this ritual. Unable or unwilling to let go of the other, they don’t pull out soon enough. They hit the ground. They lose their lives! Can you IMAGINE??? What a crazy high! What a bloody risky, unbridled, animalistic way to behave.
How much like us.
Unseen forces propel us...US! as much as it controls "the other” animals.
Probably. Chemistry. A force greater than our ability to fight it, simply, easily (sigh) takes over our minds, bodies, wills, emotions, spirits... and has its way with us. Suddenly, black is white. Questionable is desirable. Foolishness is irresistable. Before we know it, that seduction has us joining talons with someone that we have no idea if we can even trust, unwilling or afraid or unable to let go. We fall, we spin. In our ecstasy, we can't see that the ground is getting closer.
And we don't care.
This feeling! This feels RIGHT. This is love at last. We can finally feel our heart beat and our blood flow. Nothing else matters. All of those passions and joys and commitments and purposes we, up til now have devoted our lives to, dissolve. Will one or both of us WAKE UP from this heady altered state before we die and destroy EVERYTHING, our mangled bodies intertwined in a heap on the rocks by the side of the bay, never to enjoy even one more breath? Will one of us say, "OK this is stupid!" and drop the other one in the freezing water, ALONE to figure out how to get out by ourselves? When that happens, will the soaked one fly right back to the side of the one who let go? And if he does, was that what was meant to be - perfection, or is that just stupid too, leading to a life of miserable bondage?
As for me. I want to be free. Free from what? Free to do what? Mostly I can’t answer either of those questions. I DO know that I don't want to hurt anyone by loving someone else. I want to be able to love fully in whatever way seems loving and natural to me in the moment without holding back. This is a big part of why I want to get divorced. Bryan has given me this freedom in our seperation, as I have given it to him.
But it's so much more complicated than that, isn't it? When this kooky notion of grabbing talons and spinning through the air takes over you, you can't think straight. You actually WANT to be bonded in a way that's TERRIFYING! Once experiencing the euphoria of the free-cart wheel-fall, you crave nothing else, but to fall again. You are instantly and helplessly addicted, and all your declarations laugh - at the Power of Love.
Anne S says (May 4, 2022):
I enjoyed reading this! Seems we often see life lessons in nature. Must be wonderful to see eagles from your place!